Friday, May 17, 2013


 I need help!! 
 The Santa Barbara Writers' Conference. is offering  free tuition for the  BEST OPENING LINE.

Please help me choose which excerpt from my new book, INVISIBLE HEROES, would be the best entry. 

If one of these were the first lines of the first chapter, which one of these options would most entice you to continue reading?

What is your first choice?

Your second choice?

#1:  He had to call Joanie, had to talk to her, plead his case, suck it up, step off, keep his head down, all the fucking acronyms.  He punched in the number. Going up for report before his bad-ass lieutenant would be easier than what he was about to do.

# 2.    Williams was gone. All that was left was the pinging pieces of metal bulleting against the hummer behind him …and the pink mist.

#3.  “Well it’s not that I have PTSD, but they say the dogs wake you before you even have a nightmare.” Joanie was listening. He pushed on… “We’re a team. Semper Fi! Right? We’ll work it out.” He stopped, took a deep breath. There it was. The pitch for his life.

#4.  Sensing another wave of panic, Masada jumped down from the bed and sat at attention facing the Marine. With hands that hummed with nervous energy, the soldier cupped her head. The canine’s deep brown eyes locked, unblinking onto the vetreran’s moist blue eyes.

#5.  The boy just exploded. Eddie went down. I was thrown back from the blast and staggered. Do you smell that, Masada? I still smell the burning flesh and see the pink mist.”

#6.  Her name was Masada. She was an American Service Dog. She was a professional. She stood ready and would never quit. She would never leave her comrade’s side. Chin to her paws, she lay on the hardwood floor by PFC Bud March, USMC, as he slept in the dark.

#7.  He rolled back onto the mattress and stared at the knots in the log ceiling. The long night passed like all the others – bloodied bodies, heart wrenching memories of comrades dying in his arms, children who didn’t play and, when sleep came, nightmares that woke him and reminded him to stay alert.

#8.  He turned around and looked into his inmate’s eyes. “They should have been waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs when your feet hit the tarmac. They should have helped you come home. I’m sorry.” They turned and focused on Masada lapping up the fresh water.

#9Protect my family. He opened his eyes that had only seen the past.  He saw an image in the dresser mirror, a jar head with a gun to his head. It wasn’t a hajji, it wasn’t a stranger. It was PFC Bud March, USMC.

#10.  Like the rockets he fired in Iraq, they hit their mark and extinguished, not someone’s life this time, but a piece of his instead. He was destroying the relationship with Joanie yet couldn’t stop. Everything she did, everything anybody did, pissed him off. They didn’t understand. He didn’t understand.

Don't forget to check out Sportster's blog.

He is heading up a committee to choose a design for the cover of INVISIBLE HEROES.  He also needs your help . Pass this on to all your veteran  friends and families. Sportster is offering a unique opportunity to be a part of INVISIBLE HEROES.
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